Half of you wants to go, half of you wants to stay safe, and you have been refereeing that fight your whole life.
What it looks like in a life
You make a decision, then spend the night relitigating it. You want a bigger life and you want to be left alone, and depending on the week you will defend either position with total conviction. Your parents probably wanted different things for you, or modeled two ways of being that did not fit together, and you got both. You outgrow people and then miss them. You take the risk and then need three days on the couch. At work you push hard, then wonder why you are so tired, because the effort was never just the work: it was the work plus the argument about the work.
The gift
You know yourself. Not in the flattering way, in the accurate way, because you have had to account for both sides of yourself since you were young. That makes you honest about people, and hard to fool. Squares build muscle, and yours is self-awareness under pressure. When you finally do commit to something, you have already argued yourself out of it and back in, so the commitment holds.
The friction
You second-guess in the exact place other people just move. The inner argument eats energy that never reaches the outside world, and from a distance it looks like inconsistency, which is what people accuse you of. You also tend to punish the side that lost: when the ambition wins, you call your need for rest weakness, and when the need wins, you call yourself lazy. Both verdicts are wrong.
The esoteric layer
Ptolemy counted the square among the disharmonious aspects because signs ninety degrees apart share no element and no polarity, so they clash by nature. Bailey's esoteric astrology reads it differently. The Crosses indicate process and points of crisis, which puts the square at the center of how a person actually develops, while the easy aspects only indicate possibility. The square between the Sun and the Moon is the personality-self and the karmic past pressed against each other until they cooperate. Nothing about it is a defect. It is the engine.
Where this goes
Which planet sits in which sign says which side of you is loud and which one goes underground. The Inner Dialogue film is about that fight and what it sounds like when both sides finally get heard.
Related
See it in your own chart
Cast your chart free and read this placement next to everything else you carry.